I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
