i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
