We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
