tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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