Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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