I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
did i just pee glitter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
