The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
