im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
