I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
