he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
