I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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