I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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