oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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