Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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