Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
