I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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