how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
