you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
