I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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