I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
