I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
