I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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