Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
