i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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