perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
pray to the hookup gods
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
