Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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