i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
