At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I still have a little drunk in my system
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
