My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
