So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
