Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
