I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
