i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
