you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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