Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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