I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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