Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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