Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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