Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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