omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
