somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
