there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
