i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
