she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
