Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
