is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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