Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
