Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
