how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
