If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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