Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
